This girl is feeling very down. I am actually feeling extremely tearful, about to burst. My facebook status reads as such, " I feel it welling up inside and it's going to explode." So why so glum, why so down... well truth be told I am feeling just so un-content. Disheartened and in other words a bit STUCK! I have been really trying not to admit to myself that I am feeling a bit overwhelmed with my life but UNDERWHELMED with who I am! I am noticing all my shortcomings, being reminded about everything about my self that I DISLIKE so much. Physically I see myself and I don't like what I see, SPIRITUALLY I see my self and thats just enough to make me stop looking in the MIRROR! The reflection of who I am just doesn't seem to be who I should BE! I feel UGLY inside and out!
I see that little girl inside stuck in this woman's body and I hear her screaming, " WAIT A MINUTE THIS ISN"T SUPPOSE TO BE HOW IT IS! WHAT HAPPENED HERE?" I just can't seem to keep that happy & positive exterior up, I can't HOLD it together all the time and I have to just let it crumble. I listen to those LIES that the devil spins in my head, from time to time. I fall back into that trap. I let my past and my past transgressions pull me down. I forget that I have moved pass all of this, I have been delivered! STOP! Thats what I am telling myself, I tell my self go write it down, go hash it out. Thats why you started this blog right! To get it out and BE HONEST about yourself and to not be afraid or ashamed! HE took that all upon himself for you and he loves YOU!!! Why is it that you keep on allowing yourself to listen to the ENEMY! Why am I SO WEAK?
Well here is why! I have not been keeping my focus on HIM! I have let go of his hand. I have allowed myself to be unprotected. I have not been covering myself with his word. Why can't I just stop caring about what others see? Why do I not care more about what HE sees. He loves me regardless of my FLAWS. My reflection should be HIM, Shinning thru me!
I need you LORD.... I am so heartbroken right now. I feel overwhelmed by the thoughts in my head! I feel like my edge is getting harder and harder to avoid. I need to just FALL and let you catch me! Please LORD forgive me for loosing sight! For allowing the LIES of the ENEMY to BLOCK you out! I am undeserving of all you have given me, but still you have GIVEN me so very much! I know that you see me, that little girl from my past and the woman I am here now. I know that you see ME! You see and YOU LOVE! I am CRYING out to you begging for COMFORT, PEACE, for my heart to be CONTENT. For REVELATION! Wrap me up, hold me close. LORD I need to feel you! This GIRL Feels it welling up and it's gonna EXPLODE! I can't do this alone anymore. What was I thinking. You are HERE to HOLD me the WHOLE way!
I JUST need to feel it! I need you JESUS!
